The responses arising from the publication of the Ryan report have highlighted in no uncertain terms the urgent necessity for the development of a mature sexuality among adults.  Contemporary Ireland has had and continues to have a complex, repressive and painful journey towards the recognition and acceptance of sexuality as a sacred and vibrant part of our nature.  Within Catholicism the body has been much ‘sinned’ against.  Certainly within Ireland a great fear and suspicion infected Catholicism where sex and sexuality were portrayed as potential dangers to one’s eternal salvation.  Imagine something you prized, which you saw as beautiful, unique and essential to your life: contemplate your response if someone handled that prize with roughness or callousness or disrespect or violence.  I would hope that your reaction would be of an immediate outrage – a ‘no’ that would erupt from deep within, born of a powerful sense of belonging and passion.  However the reality is that such a ‘no’ has not been present and will not emerge until women and men are no longer viewed as ‘sexual objects’, until there is no longer the belief that children can be disciplined by violating their bodies and until sex and sexuality are held as integral to an intimacy with self and with others.

I gave my first talk on ‘Coping with Stress’ back in 1982 in An Grianan, Termonfeckin, Co. Louth. How I viewed stress back there is very different to how I now see it. However, in reading several recent articles on the subject, I find that the advice I would have given back in 1982 has not changed. Suggestions around work-life balance, relaxation skills, healthy diet and physical exercise continue to dominate the stress literature. As regards the popular work life balance recommendation, I find this notion confusing as it suggests that work is not an integral part of living and that living can only be enjoyed when you are not working! In my opinion, work is an integral part of my living and this view is reflected very powerfully and poetically by Khalil Gibran, when he says ‘Work is love made visible.’ I would put it somewhat differently: ‘Work is your True Self made visible.’ However, sadly, not too many individuals operate out from that solid interiority and it is too often the case that ‘work is fear made visible’ and, inevitably, becomes stressful in nature.

The Ryan report’s catalogue of unspeakable crimes against children committed by members of religious orders and supported by the Department of Education, The Garda Siochana and the Law Courts raises a fundamental question: what was it that led to such a wholesale neglect of children and practices that were utterly unchristian, at the hands of individuals and institutions that had people believe they were ‘followers of Christ?’ Furthermore, the fact that there was a high degree of outside knowledge – even De Valera himself knew in the late 1950’s – how was it that the brutality continued unabated? And a follow-up question is ‘is the past over?’

Emotions arise spontaneously and accurately mirror your interior world at that moment in time. Emergency feelings emerge in response to perceived threats to your wellbeing; the word ‘perceived’ meaning that what determines each person’s response to an emotional or sexual or physical or intellectual or social threat is the level of security felt within. In other words, one person’s emotional response to the same criticism can be totally different to another’s. This latter phenomenon is very evident in classrooms where teachers’ shouting affects each child differently. This shows that each child’s unique response is a function of his or her level of emotional security and that the teacher’s shouting, whilst always threatening in nature to children’s wellbeing, is not the direct cause of a particular child’s response. It is paramount that the teacher examines what is within him that is giving rise to his shouting and to take responsibility to resolve that inner turmoil. 

I just want to address another unspoken secret – that each individual understands precisely what makes him or her do what they do! This runs contrary to what many people believe – including some psychoanalysts and psychotherapists. The belief is that people lack awareness or lack insight or need to understand what underlies their behaviour – anxiety, depression, illness, delusion, illusion, violence, whatever. The experts believe that their job is to provide the person with insights into their behaviour or to bring them to awareness of what made them act in ways that are threatening to themselves or to others. There are also many parents and teaches who feel they know what is best for children and young people and, accordingly, provide advice, whether or not requested.